Award Winning Trash!
ENTERTAINMENT : With Oscar nominations now scribbled out all over the white board and
Holloywood alive with excitment, the Academy is faced with its yearly problem, who will
clean up afterwards?
Although the Academy Awards so often look to be well set out with no fuss, and no mess, an
investigation by city council authorities after last years awards has proven them to be
the dirtiest awards around. This has now led to city cleaners now refusing to clean up
after this years festivities unless action is taken. Rubbish disposal chief, Brian
Picketup, saying, "Make them clean it up for once! I've followed Jack Nicholson
around for the last 5 years picking up Snickers wrappers and I'm just sick of it. These
actors just toss the paper over their shoulder like some goffer will be there behind them
to sweep it up.." The inquiry, after last years awards, was sparked off by the new
Keep Oscar Polished policy, brought in by tinsel town officials in early 1998.
Sources say that as a part of last years investigation several of Holloywoods best known
actors were taken in for trash related questioning. Jerry Seinfeld was one, accused with
deliberately sticking chewing gum under his seat, whilst Tom Cruise was apparently
repremanded for rolling Jaffa's down the iles. Although not making any official comment Mr
Cruise was heard to mutter, "..well what else can you do with the darn things, the
shells are so hard, at least its better than Adam Sandlers little Slushy shooting contests
through straws..."
The question that still remains however, who will clean up this year? City officials are
saying they won't, unless things change, the Academy is claiming that they don't actually
make the mess so its not their job. That just leaves the actors themselves...could this be
the year that we actually see the hands and knees of Holloywood down on the floor for
something other than getting a part? Who knows!
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