Lucifer To Leave
RELIGION: The prince of darkness, the resident of evil himself, aka Satan,
announced this week that he has decided to call it a day. After much pressure from God led
religions and followers, the Devil conceded that the time has come for him pack it in,
round up the goblins, and open up a small store in southern New Zealand selling footwear
and novelty tourist items.
With a decline in soul taking over the last 10 years, the art of evil has gradually lost
its momentum. "We used to bring in enough to support us through thick and thin, the
good times and the happy times, but now we can't get em like that, everyone seems to be
getting their desires without finding the need to sell their soul for them...its
tragic."
Analysts have put the decline down as being due to a gradual increase in wages,
greater work satisfaction and more amiccable agreements within divorces and
workforce seperations. "Sure, more people are sueing each other and taking each other
to court over anything. Generally most peoples lives look like a complete and utter
mess!", commented soul theory expert Harold Fuaelkiqu, "But more and more people
are realising the value of the soul, and that it is a commodity worth hanging on to. We're
even finding that aetheists all around the world are hanging on to their souls 'just in
case' and not being as willy nilly in the sale of it."
Satan is expected to be having a quick fire soul clearance sale throughout June and close
hells pits mid July. His new tourist attraction, simple named NoSoul Shoes & Nick
Nacks, should be open in time for Christmas and the new millenium celebrations.
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