MS Sues Self.
TECHNOLOGY : In a final ditch attempt to settle all cases between itself, the US
government and any other company it has stood on over the course of its history Microsoft
has lodged a formal complaint with the US Justice Department against itself.
The extrordinary development has shocked many throughout the computing industry and most
reports are signalling that this action should move any impending and current cases
against Microsoft to the back of the line, behind the monopoly. Comments have been made
that the series of law suites Microsoft are bringing against themselves are simply a ploy
to keep other cases out of court, however a Microsoft spokesperson has said that there are
some internal issues that the company must sort out and the best way to do that will be in
court. "Everyone else will get their go in time", commented the spokesperson,
"If they fold in the mean time or simply decide to drop their cases then it would be
a shame....a real real shame...hehehe"
The core case Microsoft is said to be bringing against itself is a suite for being
"To Damn Good". The Microsoft spokesperson has commented that the giant believes
they have a good case against istelf but it may drag out for some time, inviting all
ex-employees as witnesses in the case. The second case is said to be a suite regarding the
type of coffee that is used within board meetings in an attempt to settle a raging
arguement between board members whilst the third and final action is a case to settle how
big the Windows 95 sticker on the front of PC's should be. "These, and a few other
issues being investigated, are all very serious issues to us within Microsoft", says
the spokeperson, " if we don't settle them then we may be in trouble, thus we need
these cases resolved before we can continue any other cases."
Microsoft has sent out a general invitation to all Microsoft supporters across the world
inviting them to bring forward any other stupid lawsuits that have potential to drag out
their time in court against themselves. Cases are expected to start in early May and be
dragged out for the next 10 years to allow the US Justice Departments current set of
judges enough time to retire, die or be bribed to switch to a Microsft point of view.
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